a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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