party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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