i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
