fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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