I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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