Just fell off a train. Bad.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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