I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
