why didn't you poke me back
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
