the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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