I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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