I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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