I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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