I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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