Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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