So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
