Screwed.edu
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
