he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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