My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
