Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
