Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
