If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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