I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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