meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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