i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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