dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
