First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
