Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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