You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
