the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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