As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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