yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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