Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
