So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
bring money and cleavage
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
