I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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