I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
