This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
don't judge my taste in strippers
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
