I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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