Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
