i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
