i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
