i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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