Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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