Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
