Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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