I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize