So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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