That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
