we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
birth control should be required to get into college
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
