you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
