he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
