I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
