I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
