Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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