I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
