your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
