i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
