I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
