The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
