How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
