Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
