someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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