Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Pooping to opera.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
