u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
