you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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