Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
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So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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