I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
