Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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