yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize