they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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