No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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