If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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