it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
A bitchslap is in order.
I am mentally ready for anal.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
