Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
