I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
