I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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