I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
