Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
