I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
