I CAN MOONWALK!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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