Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Found your dick twin last night
I just want to make out with him forever
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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