once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
