Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
