yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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