Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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