I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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