Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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