no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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