Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
