i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
